I'm upset, very upset

Regular post formatting is being pre-empted because I need to vent. If you don't want to read a venting post, turn away now and come back tomorrow. So I was talking with my Sweetheart tonight about our Honolulu vacation, because I am...was...I dunno anymore...officially going. I bought a book about Honolulu and Oahu over the weekend and we've been looking into where we are going to stay and everything. I wrote to my brother after hanging up with my Sweetheart asking him to go ahead and buy up the points for the trip. I had worked out a payment plan to pay him back for them and for the taxes on my flight and everything, but he came back told me that he couldn't buy all the points until April, that I had misunderstood him about how the buying process went. I had understood that he could buy all the points at once but that Aeroplan would just deduct they from his pay and that was why he wanted me to pay him back a certain amount every month. It turns out that he just wanted money right away because if he did request the points now they would deduct them from his pay up until April and not because they were giving them to him right away. My concern is that if I wait until April 1st to get seats on a flight for May 1st, there will be no more seats to be had, especially not on a specific flight and I do want to be on the same flight as my Sweetheart going to Honolulu, seated next to him if at all humanly possible because I am a very nervous flyer and my conditions seems to only be getting worse with time. I feel like crying at the very thought of having to go through two five hour plus flights on my own (5 hours 20 minutes to Vancouver and 5 hours 55 minutes from Vancouver to Honolulu). It's bad enough I'm going to have to do it all the bloody way home, if I have to do it to get there too I don't know if I could handle it. I do so want to to go though, so very very badly. So the only way that my brother could get me points to buy the flight right now would be to clean out all his points and put up 550$ cash. if I have to pay him for all of that it would amount to about 800$ which is more than it would cost me if I wait...but I'm scared to wait and scared to fly on my own and scared to ask my family (on my dad's side) for money for this now as a birthday gift because I'm afraid they'll refuse saying that I shouldn't travel if I can't afford it, but then I'd never go anywhere for the rest of my life if I listened to them. This would be a once in a lifetime experience for me and I don't want to miss out on it, but why, oh why did I have to misunderstand my brother? When he was explaining it to me he was jumbled and frustrated because the Aeroplan site was messing up and he's very impatient about that sort of thing. I wish he had just taken the time to make sure I understood everything properly instead of getting angry because of site malfunctions. I wish I had understood properly the first time so that I wouldn't be so disappointed and upset now. I wish I made more money. I wish I wasn't a fearful flyer. I wish I wasn't so afraid of what my father's family think. I wish a whole lot of stuff. I wish I wasn't so upset.