The Side of Childlessness No One Sees

 

People see we don't have children. They imagine we thrive on the freedom, on being able to travel when we want, on not being fettered by grueling school and extracurricular activities. We must get all the sleep we need, all the time. We must have pleasant meals, uninterrupted by meltdowns. We must enjoy the peace and quiet.

There is all of this, yes. But we didn't ask for it. We didn't choose it. We didn't want it. What people don't see is the sadness, the isolation, the feelings of inadequacy and of helplessness. They don't see the pain caused by the assumptions people make about why we are childless and most of all, they don't feel the loneliness that comes from being childless woman. Society isn't built for us. There are Facebook groups and newsletters galore for mothers. There are mom and baby exercise classes and yoga classes and playgroups, there is Mother's Day. Try and find a local Childless Not By Choice group and see what you come up with. It will be nothing.

Women like me are out there though, I know they are. I know of a few, actually. They have careers and pets, some have husbands, others don't. I know know some of them wanted to have children but were unable to. I don't know about the others. I know we are all doing our best to navigate childlessness in a family-centered, motherhood obsessed society.

But what about the rest of us? What about those of us who so often feel left behind and left out?