Sunday, March 10, 2013

I'm still here

Hi all,

I'm popping in to give you some sign of life! I'm still struggling with everything that's going on in my life. I had a very rocky week last week and suffered from an emotional crash and burn after my birthday once my Sweetheart was gone. I went from an emotional high to a major low and was just getting over it when there was a major family crisis this week. Definitely not cool. I'm therefore taking it as easy as I can this week and am hoping for an easier time this coming week.

My Sweetheart may or may not be coming home during the night Thursday into Friday, it remains to be seen. I was supposed to find out yesterday, but when I called him he was at a service station somewhere and I was not able to call him back. I'll find out today, but at this point, one week more without him will not make a huge difference since he's already been gone so long. His visit to Montreal for my birthday went by so quickly it felt like a blink. we saw each other every day while he was here, which was amazing, but since he's gone back we've had a hard time communicating because I'm back at work full time and it is a very busy time for me right now and also the cell phone and Internet signals over in my Sweetheart's neck of the woods have not been as strong. He's also been moving around in Haiti a lot more going to other work sites and to the beach for one night. Basically, he's been all over the map because the aid organization he works for when he is not working on the school now knows that he is there so they have been taking him to visit their work sites.

Anyhow, if he and I are lucky, he'll be able to come home this week, otherwise I'll be on my own for a bit longer. At this point, all I can say is 'meh', which is my reaction to a lot of stuff right now. I had to spend an hour and twelve minutes on the phone to cancel my father's cell phone service and get my phone off of his corporate account and onto my own? Meh, it had to get done. I'm having surgery in a month which will require a lengthy recovery? Meh, it has to get done. I may have to tough it out on my own for another week without my Sweetheart? Meh, he'll come home eventually. I'm feeling very blase about everything? Meh, I assume I'll return to my cheerful self eventually. Sooner rather than later I hope, because feeling 'meh', is not very fun. I know this will take time though, I'm not kidding myself about that anymore and I also know that I may never feel quite the same again. I will always have an empty spot inside me. I will always miss my father and I will always feel cheated that he passed away so soon. You don't miss someone who passes away right away you know. It creeps up on you the longer they're gone. It doesn't hit you right away that they're gone forever, but when it does the pain is terrible. You want a hug from them, but you can't have it. You want to pick up the phone and call them, but you can't. You want to have a conversation with them, but you can't. It is very hard.

I'll try and pop by again soon and let you know how I'm doing and if my Sweetheart has come home or not, but in the mean time I will continue trying to keep up with your blogs when I can. Thanks for sticking with me, even though my posts are not as chipper as they used to be. Once my surgery is out of the way, I'll be able to plan some vacation time with my Sweetheart (we've been talking about Paris!) so that will give me something more fun to focus on and tell you guys about!


  1. Hello Karine! It was good to see your comment on my blog today, and good to see a post from you too! I'm sorry that things haven't been the best for you, and I'm even sorrier that you're having to have surgery!! Just know that I'm sending healthy healing thoughts in your direction and lots of positive ones too!! Don't feel bad about not being so 'chipper.' With my husband's injury I have a hard time being that way too--And for both of us, I know it's knowing that there are people to lean on and listen that makes all the difference! Take care of yourself, okay? ♥♥!!

  2. " You don't miss someone who passes away right away you know. It creeps up on you the longer they're gone. It doesn't hit you right away that they're gone forever, but when it does the pain is terrible. " I've experienced grief in this way many times. I send you a bubble of loving thoughts and light and hope the winds of March carry it across the border to you.